I used to “feel fat sometimes.
I also gained weight sometimes.
I didn’t always feel “fat” when I gained weight and didn’t automatically feel “un-fat” when I’d lose it. Neither had anything to do with the other. Feeling “fat” had nothing to do with weight gain or the shape of my body.
I felt “fat” in the picture above. I wasn’t, but I felt that way. I remember feeling conflicted taking the images and trying very hard to “fake it til I make it” in terms of confidence” (hence why I chose not to cover up with a baggy T-shirt). It took me a long time to post images from this series because I hated ALL of them. Not a happy body lovin’ lady.
But my body wasn’t any different that day than it had been the week before when I was all fist pumpy about it. Images from the week before AND the week after, I was perfectly fine with. Looking back now, I can’t see much of a difference in my body on any of those occasions.
So what was REALLY going on?
Before I started REALLY working on my body image, feeling “fat” was something that happened a few times a month. Or week. Or every day, if I was having a tough time. I felt “fat” at many weights, including my thinnest and my heaviest. I could start the day with “Yay I’m awesome” and end the day with “Cancel my life. I feel fat”.
Nowadays, I almost never feel “fat”. I can gain weight. Say I’ve gained weight. Notice I’ve gained weight. Have more fat on my body. But I don’t FEEL fat ever. Because feeling “fat”…. isn’t a real thing.
It was never a real thing.