I’m going to talk about my weight in here, just to prewarn you.
I realised the other day that I’m a almost 5kg (or 10lbs, if you will) heavier than I was at the end of the summer. At the moment I’m feeling a bit dejected about this – although not quite enough to really say Right, I’m going to change this. I feel quite conflicted about it, to be honest.
I’m not really surprised I’m heavier; after all, since the end of the summer I have moved in with my boyfriend (and doesn’t cohabitation seem to be one of those things that prompts people to put on weight?), been through Xmas, my birthday and a trip to Orlando – Land of the Funnel Cake. It’s also winter, and I’m doing a lot less DIY at the weekends than I did in the summer.
But still, 5kg is quite a lot. It places me 3kg over competition weight (I’m currently 75kg) – that’s not an immediate worry, but when I come to compete again in June, that weight needs to be gone. I don’t total enough to be able to compete in the 84kg GBPF class nationally (270kg – my total is only 250kg at the moment). It also places me firmly back in the obese BMI range, which is lol. Oh BMI, you naughty thing!
There are non-bad aspects to being heavier right now – my clothes still fit; and I’m not sure at 70kg I would have been able to walk into the gym after a week-and-a-half break and do 120kg rack pulls, like I did on Monday.
I feel really conflicted about it all, because on the one hand I don’t think gaining weight (yes, even fat) is bad per se. There’s also all that “GAINZZZZZ!” rhetoric in powerlifting which stipulates that gaining weight is good; however, the unspoken rule of gainz is that one can only gain muscle & weight, never fat – and I have gained fat (it’s pretty much all gone to my tummy). No, my gainz is the wrong kind of gainz.
As you know, I’m big on fat/body acceptance, and this also makes me feel conflicted. Fat/body acceptance is not (I must emphasize) anti weightloss, but I still feel like a bit of a traitor for wanting to trim off this excess. I’m not a traitor, though – I just have parameters that I need to adhere to (i.e. getting under 72kg to compete) to do the thing that makes me happy.
So what am I doing about it? Absolutely bugger-all. I’ve asked my boyfriend to stop offering me chocolate in the evenings, but that’s a bit unfair of me – I could just say no after all. Aaaaaand that’s about it. Oh, I just threw away the packet of Almond Joy pieces that’s been hanging around in my office drawer, so that too. It feels good to not be freaking out about gaining weight; on the other hand, I know how it feels to be freaking out about not making weight for a competition, and I don’t want to be doing that in June.
The purpose of this post is… I don’t know. To let you all know that despite being pretty confident in my body, I still have wobbles, like everyone? Maybe a sort of confessional: “I have gained ten pounds!”? Maybe I want to make myself accountable – I have to get this extra off before June.
Sigh. This is definitely the part of powerlifting I dislike the most.