I’m still feeling unhappy with my weight while doing not-very-much about it. I’m not quite at that triggery/freaking out point, but it’s closer than it was.

This morning I read an article posted to the BGWLC Olympic weightlifting group about establishing your calorie requirements via BMR, MET etc – Meeting your Nutritional Goals: Energy Requirements. I worked out my kcal needs and… well, they’re way lower than I thought – 2200 on non-training days and 2900 on training days.

Well, fuck.

I have no idea how much I eat – I don’t track – but I’m in no doubt that I eat way more than this. I used to track my kcals with MyPlate, but I found it hard to do (so much of it seems to be guesswork) & I also found it triggered an unhealthy obsession in me. I like to think I have a happy relationship with food, and I don’t want to change that.

But if I’m going to be <72kg in June… maybe I have to.

As I said: well, fuck.

Tracking food & changing what I eat was hard enough before, when I lived alone; I have no idea how you're meant to do it when you live with someone & share cooking. I feel panicky & tearful just thinking about tracking, you know?

I’m quite cross with myself, as in September I was really happy with my weight & how I was performing; I thought I’d nailed it! Evidently not. I guess I got complacent. I did, after all, tell myself I could eat what I wanted between the BGWLC club competition in December & my birthday in January; however, I never “binged” (I’m not even sure what binging is, TBH).

I hate that I’m having to worry like this, when so much rhetoric around weightlifting/powerlifting/Crossfit is about making gains, eating all the food, putting on weight etc. Sometimes it feels like every other strength person out there is/was a skinny person trying to get bigger, and I’m the only one who has to get smaller!

Do you track your calories? How do you do it – with an app? And if you live with someone, does that make it harder?


3 thoughts on “

  1. Helen

    We are so on the same page (you may slap me for using such a phrase, and also the amercian so)

    I weighed myself this morning, first time in quite a while. 80kg. Which is fine, I am near the place where it is just a number on a scale and not who I am. I like me, I like my body.

    Problem is, I want to compete in Strongwoman and to do that I need to be in the U75kg category (and even then I am not really strong enough to compete just strong enough to be able to do every event). Which I do I like more? My positive body image which has taken YEARS to build or competing in Strongwoman. I have tried twice in the last year to drop some weight so I could compete in U75kg and both times unhealthy behaviours have started up in a matter of DAYS (which means I immediately stopped trying to drop weight, ain’t nothing taking me back there).

    I have never tracked calories, even when in the past I have lost weight I have just done it by keeping a watch on what I was eating. Living with someone does make it harder but I think if you decide to lose the weight you need to get them onboard (sorry another horrible phrase) explain to them what you are doing, why you are doing this and how they can help. If it’s important to you it should be important to them.

    Good Luck with whatever you decide to do but remember NO competition is worth your mental health or unhealthy behaviours.

    1. lozette Post author

      I’m glad I’m not alone!

      The stupid thing with me is that I had pretty good body image before I started exercising – but it went downhill *after* I started, got better & is now back to being bad again. I feel so conflicted, as I was much happier before I started on this “health journey”. WAH.

      I think a thing for me to try smaller portions. When Matt & I cook, I always take the larger portion as I just eat more/have a larger appetite than him. Maybe I need to stop doing that, and leave more food for leftovers (or throw more food away). I’ve already started refusing chocolate/ice-cream when I’m offered it in the evenings. Maybe I need to ditch my nightly glass of wine & the honey on my Oatibix too. WAH again.

  2. flick161

    I track my kcals, on some days, I just decide “I’m going to today”, and I do.
    I use Myfitnesspal, which is mega easy, and every food/drink on earth is on there (except Sainsburys Hibiscus Pink Fizz apparently but not even Saino’s would tell me how many kcals was in it…)

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