Fat yoga

I didn’t think I was going to make it to Yogalates yesterday as I thought I had a meeting over lunchtime (about feature flagging, so actually q interesting). However it turns out that’s next week, so I managed to scuttle out of the office in time for class.

I really enjoy the Yogalates class although I’m pretty rubbish at it (that said, I can Warrior III fairly well on my right leg now, but not the left!) What I didn’t enjoy yesterday was sitting in front of the mirror & feeling pretty fat. I am absolutely fine with the fact that my arms & legs are twice the width of the other ladies’ in the class; when we put our arms out to the side I don’t care that I have dangly bingo wings; and when we put our hands on our shoulders it doesn’t bother me that my upper arms look matronly. What I don’t like at the moment is that the extra 10lbs I’ve gained have all gone onto my trunk, so when we sit down, I bulge even more than I used to.

I know I shouldn’t care, and it annoys me that I do. I’m just cross, so cross, that back in September I really thought I’d nailed it, and then I go and “eat the food” & ruin it all (and – worse – I’m now fretting about food & counting calories/macros, whereas before I didn’t and was lighter!). I’ve quit the ETF group I was in; I tried, it wasn’t for me.

In calorie/weight news, I’m managing to stick to 2000-2200kcal a day without any problems, but am still 75kg. Blargh. My coach said it’s fine, it’s good to train heavy to get some strength into me; I just worry that when it comes to my next competition the damn weight won’t come off, you know? It’s all very well being strong at 75kg, but I need to be strong at 72!

(I don’t even think I’m all that strong, TBH – not for my weight!)

Oh well. I’m not deeply unhappy about all this or anything, just cross. Cross because life isn’t fair (wah!) and I want to not count calories/macros/track what I eat, like I did last year. Maybe this is just one of those effects of getting older. Sob!

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