Competition prep: week 5, day 2; bad news and sh*tty happenings

My back tells me that squatting 85kg for doubles on Monday was a bad idea. I’ve been sore all week, not just DOMS-sore but a definite deeper injured-type soreness. I went for more physio yesterday – including my first foray into acupuncture! – and he suggested it might be best if I don’t compete on the 26th. I am inclined to agree, although it breaks my heart. I had really hoped to lift at the Farm Open & make an attempt at that magic 100kg squat to celebrate my 5-year anniversary of lifting, but that’s not going to happen now. At least, if I rest & heal properly, I will have a shot at it in July at the Greater London club championships.

I went to BGWLC last night, and my coach has said “wait & see”. I might feel better in 3 weeks, but then even if I lift, I’m going to be lifting untrained (except for my bench, which is going pretty well) so I’m not sure there’s any point.

When I was walking to the physio yesterday, a man walking past decided I was looking at him, and looking at him in an unappealing way, so thought it appropriate to tell me to “fuck off you cunt” and spit in my direction. I have been feeling a bit fragile recently, with my back problems & some work stress, so I wound up bursting into tears (once the man was well out of sight!) and having to pretend to the physio that I had hayfever.

There’s this belief around that once you’re over a certain age, men no longer notice you & make comments about you on the street (and a very fucked-up opinion among some that younger women should feel appreciative of sexual comments, because they won’t get them when they’re older). I’ve managed to go without getting harassed on the street for a few years, but in the last 7 days it’s happened to me twice. A week ago I was walking home, and 3 kids in a BMW pulled up besides me on my own street and made some really crude remarks. Then yesterday, I get aggression from a man for daring to have my eyes stray over him (I assume he was looking at me to see me looking at him, but I guess that doesn’t count?)

I normally think of myself as a pretty moderate feminist, but honestly, shit like this makes me want to go full misandry, full #killallmen. People shouldn’t feel like they have to keep their faces neutral & their eyes on the floor when they’re walking down the street. I should be able to walk home without small children in their daddy’s BMW propositioning me. I’m so angry that yesterday’s incident has made me wonder if I should walk to the physio via a different route next week – but I shouldn’t have to, you know?

I’ve taken today off work as I just couldn’t face going in today. The combination of work stress + worry about my back + idiot street harassers means I need a day of self-care. Self-care is important.

Last night’s workout:

  • Bench: worked up to 3 doubles @ 47.5kg (95%)
  • Machine rows: 5 sets of 5 @ 20kg (each hand)
  • Front raise: 3 sets of 8 with a 10kg plate
  • Dumbbell shrugs: 5 with 20kg; 2 sets of 5 with 25kg
  • Tricep pushdowns: 3 sets of 10 @ 15kg

And on a final, ironic note: remember all that worry I had about making weight? Well, I’ve managed to get down to 72.8kg (800g over). Which is great, but a bit futile now. Dammit.

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5 thoughts on “Competition prep: week 5, day 2; bad news and sh*tty happenings

  1. Jennifer

    Sorry to hear about your back! :\ Not fun.. and makes it so frustrating to work out when you feel restricted!

    Hope it gets better soon!

  2. geek23ka

    Injuries really mess with my head. And men yelling things at me *really* messes with my head. My feeling weak, and then dealing with crap like that? terrible combo.

    Aggression, guised as sexual attention, or the random more overt encounter like what happened to you, is much scarier than most people give credit. I am strong, fit, competent and it sends my lizard brain into a frenzy of fear, guilt and anger. I really hate that conditioned response.

    You are already on your way to regrouping. Taking a day off for self-care was smart. You’ve got this. Train as you are able and you might compete this month, or you might surpass your goal in July. Either way, you win.

    1. lozette Post author

      Thanks for your comment! I don’t think many people realise how scary street harassment can be. I have had people say to me “Oh, no-one would dare mess with you, you’d kick their ass!” and while I know they’re *trying* to be supportive, it doesn’t help. There is no way in hell I could win a fight against a determined man if he decided I’d looked at him funny & was now going to punish me for it. I don’t want to be waking up in a hospital bed with a broken arm, and a person saying “Why didn’t you just hit him back?”, you know?

      When the 3 boys in the BMW yelled at me last week, my initial response was to run towards them with my keys in hand, intending to key their car. Thank god I didn’t catch up to them, otherwise I probably would have got a beating. Some people are such bastards.

  3. G

    Ugh, I swear harassment happens in clusters like that. I wonder if when we feel vulnerable it’s like sharkbait and brings the horrible jerks out from their hiding places en masse?

    I hope you find a solution that works around your injury. It’s hard to leave a goal behind, but there will always be other comps and you’ll be stronger for them! Rest up and feel better soon!

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