Oh wow, my training is going badly right now. Like, really awful. I had bench last night (not squats as I thought) and while I managed to get 50kg once fairly confidently, 52.5kg was going nowhere again. I wound up leaving the gym feeling pretty despondent.

If I wasn’t 10 days away from the British I would seriously consider taking a break from lifting again. I feel like everything – making weight, worrying about competing, some family & mental health stuff also going on right now – is just too much and I need to hide away. Sometimes I hate powerlifting.

I think I’m going to dial back my expectations for the British. I had hoped for a 270kg total, but the more I think about it, the more unrealistic it is. I got 265kg at a higher weight – not at 72kg; I can’t just expect to lose 2.5kg in bodyweight and increase that total.

On Saturday my coach was explaining to someone that while some people are naturally talented & built for lifting, I’m not and I’ve had to fight hard for every kilo I’ve increased my lifts. It’s flattering & true, but as per usual I’m using my lack of natural talent as a stick to beat myself with. Sadly, there’s pretty much nothing I have a natural knack for, not even my job (god knows I’ve had to graft like a bastard to still be programming) and sometimes that’s a bit depressing. But I suppose not everyone has something they’re effortlessly good at. At least I’m still here, eh?

Possibly I should have signed myself up for a couple more sports psych sessions before this year’s British!

I have those promised heavy squats on Thursday and in the meantime, I’m going to do NOTHING workout-wise. I want to save my legs, because those squats are going to be hard and 100kg won’t come anywhere near as easily as it did when I was heavier (if I can even get it at all).

I promise there will be a happy entry at some point, I have one planned & everything! In the meantime, here is my cat, who along with my boyfriend is the only thing keeping me sane right now.




2 thoughts on “#sadface

  1. G

    I am sending you encouragement over the internet! This is the hardest bit, before you can even start to see the light at the end of the tunnel but you feel like you should be able to. Hang in there! (And Sinkcat is adorable.)

    1. lozette Post author

      The cat is adorable but such a pain in the arse!! 😉

      Thank you for the encouragement, this week is always the hardest 😦

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