Oh wow, my training is going badly right now. Like, really awful. I had bench last night (not squats as I thought) and while I managed to get 50kg once fairly confidently, 52.5kg was going nowhere again. I wound up leaving the gym feeling pretty despondent.
If I wasn’t 10 days away from the British I would seriously consider taking a break from lifting again. I feel like everything – making weight, worrying about competing, some family & mental health stuff also going on right now – is just too much and I need to hide away. Sometimes I hate powerlifting.
I think I’m going to dial back my expectations for the British. I had hoped for a 270kg total, but the more I think about it, the more unrealistic it is. I got 265kg at a higher weight – not at 72kg; I can’t just expect to lose 2.5kg in bodyweight and increase that total.
On Saturday my coach was explaining to someone that while some people are naturally talented & built for lifting, I’m not and I’ve had to fight hard for every kilo I’ve increased my lifts. It’s flattering & true, but as per usual I’m using my lack of natural talent as a stick to beat myself with. Sadly, there’s pretty much nothing I have a natural knack for, not even my job (god knows I’ve had to graft like a bastard to still be programming) and sometimes that’s a bit depressing. But I suppose not everyone has something they’re effortlessly good at. At least I’m still here, eh?
Possibly I should have signed myself up for a couple more sports psych sessions before this year’s British!
I have those promised heavy squats on Thursday and in the meantime, I’m going to do NOTHING workout-wise. I want to save my legs, because those squats are going to be hard and 100kg won’t come anywhere near as easily as it did when I was heavier (if I can even get it at all).
I promise there will be a happy entry at some point, I have one planned & everything! In the meantime, here is my cat, who along with my boyfriend is the only thing keeping me sane right now.