Confession time

I have a confession to make: I have been wibbling about my weight. I’m not saying this to get sympathy, I’m saying it because I’m human and even those who preach self-acceptance can have wibbly times.

I had this idea that I would have liked to be 71kg-ish by the time I went to Las Vegas. 71ish because I was 70-71kg at my last two competitions and I thought I looked great. I wanted to look that great when I went to Vegas.

Of course, this was completely glossing over the fact that when I looked great at under 71kg, I FELT TERRIBLE. Mentally, I was fretful about food and as moody as hell. Physically, I had bad stomach issues from going low-carb, and (TMI time) basically couldn’t poop. Yay.

Guess what? I go to Vegas in 4 days and I weigh about 73.5kg. And I feel… conflicted.

On the one hand, bloody hell I’ve upped my cardio, done volume work with weights, walked 9000-10000 steps every day, and for the last 10 days (since my boyfriend went away on business) I have eaten “right”. What gives?

On the other hand, I have never previously done volume weights, or this much cardio (at least not when I was also lifting) so I couldn’t have predicted that I’d end up heavy. I simply didn’t know what my body would do. And I’ve done some pretty good stuff in the last week: on Friday I nailed sets of 10 clean & jerks with a 20kg sandbag; and last night I did those 5 sets of 8 squats @ 70kg [bicep emoji]

So I should feel proud, really. The only little doubt I have is that I’m worried I won’t make weight (<72kg) for my next competition but I will have to cross that bridge when I come to it. I definitely won’t be doing volume weights or so much cardio during competition prep, at least.

And the good news is that my clothes still fit…mostly. The size 14 dress I aspirationally bought to wear in Vegas may have to stay behind. Or I could just buy some suck-you-in underpants, amirite?!

I absolutely cannot wait to go to Vegas. The last two weeks at work have been very, very stressful and I’ve been struggling a bit with my mental health (especially with my boyfriend being away and not always being available to rant at thanks to time zones!) Hopefully a break will do me good, and when I come back I’ll have 6 weeks to prep for my next competition (May 16th!)